6th day of August year 2009.. This day will be remembered...
It was 2am in the morning, I was in my room lights turned off and the electric fan is staring straight in my face... Drowned by the sorrowful thoughts in my life.. I suddenly felt the urge to hurt myself.... It came to my mind that a friend of mine once told me that inflicting physical pain is one way of escaping the emotional pain.... But I wasn't really in an emotional pain... I don't know what came in to my mind.. Maybe I just want to experience it too... But then again... I might be stressed emotionally... The next thing I know I was annoyed but laughing because I could not find any cutter in our house.. I was laughing because I found out that there was no cutter in our house, I mean we are students and we have tools but we don't have a cutter hahaha...
Thirty minutes has passed by but still no cutter... When I got back to my bed I saw a yellow push pin in my tool box... Due to my aroused thought of what would it feel to hurt myself I grab the push pin and stabbed it in my left wrist... To my surprise it didn't even penetrated my skin.. Once, then twice and thrice.. No effect... Then I got the idea of just scratching it to my wrist... So I pushed the pin in my wrist then I let it ripped... Then again and again... Sadly I didn't had much effect on my skin... So I stopped...
Insulted,because I still didn't feel the physical pain, I sat on my bed grabbed a cigar and puffed it... When I was about to put the cigar off.. I had the idea to put the cigar's off to my wrist... And so I did... Three cigarette burns on my left wrist.... Finally the physical pain.... Pain is good.... Call me an addict or whatever but sensation felt really good... The adrenaline rush of the pain and the sensation is overwhelming that I did it three times... The cigar's lights were off a sudden silence and satisfaction filled the room... I was happy... ^_^
After that incident I've learned many realization about myself and life itself.. And I promised not to do that again...
" A thing will be important when you know that it doesn't last forever "
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3:26 am 12th day of August year 2009
3:26 am 12th day of August year 2009
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